Yea, this is another sweet edition of Akpors Jokes. Read and forget your sorrow.
1.Akpors and his Teacher
Teacher: Whoever answer my next question correctly can go home.
Upon hearing this, Akpos threw his bag outside through the window.
Teacher: Who threw the bag?
Akpos: Me, can I go home now?
2.A trip to Italy
A Ekaitte (akpor’s wife) goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
… Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
Ekaittes : ‘Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?’
Akpors: laughs and says: ‘An Italian girl!!!’ The wife kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: ‘So, honey, how was the trip?’ ‘Very good, thank you.’ ‘And, what happened to my present?’
‘Which present?’ She asked. ‘The one I asked for – an Italian girl!!’ ‘Oh, that’ she said ‘Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for 9 months to see if it is a girl !!!’ 3. Extra-Akpos the Inspector
A woman reporting to the police: Sir, my husband went to by potatoes 5 days ago and he is not back up to now. inspector Akpos: why not cook something else abi,or is it only potatoes you like to eat. 4.Akpos and the White man
Black man Akpos and a white man were seated on plane.
Akpos had a bunch of banana, while the white man had a monkey.
Akpos wanted to go to the toilet, so he said to the white man “Please watch over my bananas, while I’m gone”.
He went, came back and found out that the bananas were all gone. The white man pointed at the monkey and said, ”your brother the monkey ate all of them”.
Akpos smiled and said nothing. Minutes later, the white man said, “Please hold my monkey while I pee”.
He came back and met the monkey dead.
He asked Akpos what happened and he replied, “This is a family matter, please stay out of it!”
5.Barrister Akpors and the Village Farmer Barrister Akpors who’s gone to the village for Xmas celebration went hunting in a nearby village.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As Barrister Akpors climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing.
He responded,
“I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I’m going in to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied,
“This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
Arrogant Akpors said,
“I am one of the best trial attorneys in this country, and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything!”
The old farmer smiled and said,
“Apparently, you don’t know how we do things here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule.”
Barrister Akpors asked,
“What is the three-Kick Rule?”
The Farmer replied,
“Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
Barrister Akpors quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old farmer.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly walked up to him.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into Akpor’s groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly wiped Akpors’ nose off his face.
Barrister Akpors was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
He eventually summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said,
Read the funniest stories make you forget the name of your village. Akpors no go kill us with laughter for here.
1.An illiterate Father(Akpos) with his Educated
An illiterate Father(akpos) with his Educated son went on a camping trip. They set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, Akpos wakes his Son up and asks ” Look up to the sky and tell me what you see?” son: “I see millions of stars.” Akpos: “What does that tell you son? Son: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of Galaxies & Planets.” Akpos slaps Son hard and says, “You idiot! Pesin don thief our Tent(meaning,Someone has stolen our tent). OMG!
2.Akpos and the Cannibals
Akpos, Musa and Rukewe were lost in a forest and captured by cannibals. The king of d cannibals told them they had a chance to live if only they could pass a testl. The 1st step was to go deep into d forest n get 10 pieces of d same kind of fruits. The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits. Rukewe came back and said to the king, “I brought 10 apples”, the king explained the trial to him, ‘you have to snif the fruits up into your butt without any expression on your face or you will be killed. The 1st apple went in, but on the 2nd one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed. Akpos the smart guy arrived and showed the king ten (10) berries. When d king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy, 1,2,3,4 ,5,6,7,8 nd on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter and was killed. Rukewe n Akpos met in heaven. The rukewe asked, “why did you laugh?”, you almost got away with the trial”, Akpos replied,”I couldn’t help it, I saw the Oga Musa coming with pineapples. {LMAO}
3.At the bus stop
Akpos got to School late on Monday Morning and his teacher asked; Teacher: Why did u come late to skool?. Akpos: One man lost 1000 naira note at the Bus Stop. Teacher: ohhh…I see..were you helping him to look for the money?. Akpos: No!!.. I DEY CRAZE???…Na me stand on top d money since!(meaning am I mad?,I was the one standing on the money) {LWKMD}
Akpos knocked on the gate of a brothel in a red light district. The madam opened the brothel door to see a young man called Akpos. His clothes were all tattered and he looked needy.?? can I help you?” the madam asked.?? I want Onome,” Akpos replied.?? Young Man, Onome is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else…”?? No, I must see Onome.” Akpos replied. Just then Onome appeared and announced to Akpos that she charges N50,000 per visit.?? Akpos never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her fifty pieces of N1,000 notes. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon Akpos calmly left. The next night he appeared again demanding Onome. Onome explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. it was still N50,000. Again Akpos took out the money, the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later When Akpos showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Onome the money and up to the room they went.
At the end of the hour Onome questioned Akpos: “No one has ever used my services three nights in a row… where are you from?”?? Akpos replied, “I am from Warri.” “Really?” replied Onome, “I have a brother who lives there and does business.”?? Yes; I know,” Akpos replied. “He gave me N150,000 to give to you.. {CAN'T LAUGH ALONE!}
Akpos was in the back of his Hummer jeap on his way home when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?”he asked the man. “I don’t have any money for food,”the poor man replied. “Oh, please come to my house!” “But sir, I have a wife and seven children…” “Bring them along!” Akpos said. They all climbed into the Hummer. As they were going, the poor fellow said: “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.” Akpos replied, “No, you don’t understand. The grass at my house is over 4 feet tall it will be enough for all of your family members. {LOLZZ} Wait for the part 2 of Akpors laugh it out story. What Do You Think? You Should Comment And Share Now!!!
Talking to men who were, as boys, lured or tricked into satisfying sexual urges of mature women. Such women abusively turn boys to their sex toys. Some of the victims say they had enjoyed the experience, but is it right for an adult to molest a minor?
Juwon Adeniji was introduced to sex at age 12 by a woman 23 years his senior. She forced him into an abusive relationship which lasted for seven years.
“My cravings for older women cannot stop in this lifetime,” were the words of Juwon Adeniji, “I am married to a woman who is 11 years older than me, I fought a battle with my family members because my wife is older. Anyway, I won. So far, I have been blessed with two healthy boys.”
His parents were never at home to tend to him. He was left in the mercy of their neighbour who took advantage of his parents’ busy schedules to abuse their son. For the years it lasted, they never found out about what was occurring right under their noses. The boy enjoyed the act and got used to it, not realising it was abuse until he became an adult.
“My parents worked from morning till evening. With me being the only child and no one to leave me with in the ancient city of Idanre where my parents worked, our neighbour who was a full housewife offered to take me in when the school bus drops me. Then my parents would pick me from there at the end of each working day (from Monday to Friday). She fed me daily, we would watch Indian films and wrestled together when her husband was not around. I liked her because she cared for me,” he explained.
Mr. Juwon, who is now in his late forties, said he enjoyed every bit of the abusive relationship because of the gifts and affection she showered on him while it lasted.
“That day after school, I entered the houseand ate as usual. She played a pornography movie instead of the Indian movie which is my favourite. She started talking dirty to me. She said she wants us to play like them [actors in the movie]. She gently removed my trousers and pants, and of course I was fully erected. It started like that. I enjoyed it, and since then we carried on and on for another seven years, it ended when I gained admission into the university.
“As an undergraduate, I only dated masters students in my school. I am married to a lovely woman, she in her fifties, and we have two beautiful boys. I have a perfect life, no complaints,” he concluded.
Juwon is one of many other unreported and abandoned cases of young boys who have been abused and traumatised sexually by older women.
Abused boys The nationwide statistics of abused young boys is not accurate as many of these victims rarely come out to recount their ordeals, like some girls will rightly say. And also, cases of females being abused can be detected unlike to that of a boy who can hide it, without much hymen pain for him to go through.
However, many unsuspecting young boys have fallen victims to these women who make them their sex toys to satisfy their fantasies. This act has led many boys to battle low self-esteem.
Many older women who have unhealthy sexual urges or fantasies resort to innocent boys to achieve their erotic feat. Some older women promise to give these boys small gifts to entice them in return for sexual favours.
“It is violence against the opposite sex. It is also from women to men. My experience was a bad one because I was threatened, and, sadly it came from our housemaid each time she came to my room to arrange and clean it, especially during holidays. My parents are always away from home as they leave for work early in the morning and resumes very late.
“I am an adult now. Though it still haunts me, there is nothing I can do about it,” another victim, Adeolu Oyebola [not real name], explained. Psychological effect
As they grow into puberty, the majority of abused victims won’t be able to live and reason well like their peers, there likely be a range of negative consequences for mental health and adjustment in childhood adolescent and adulthood, even self-hatred.
Another victim, Chukwuemeka Ambrose, explained how he was assaulted and abused by his boss’s wife. Now a man in his late thirties operating a private business in Abuja, Ambrose said the experience has made him lose respect for women:
“In a bid to support myself through school, I picked up a job as a sales assistant in a store where they sell wires, cable and electrical appliances. My then-boss’ wife started flirting with me. When I declined [her advances], she threatened to set me up. I fell for her blackmail and she abused me sexually for three years. She forced me to used my mouth on her private parts and some other parts of her body. I used dildos on her. Got a pay raise, since then, I don’t have a single respect for women and I don’t even trust any of that specimen,” he said.
Unfortunately, some of the victims tend to adopt a distorted, corrupted perception of sexual behaviour and find it difficult to date their peers. In case of boys molested by adults, they would rather prefer to date older women.
“As a 10-year-old boy, I experienced a lot of pain , as if someone rubbed my privates with pepper. My penis would be burning. Many times my body would be smelling, I endured foul odour. Not a good thing for me, and I don’t think it can be for any boy,” Bayo Amoo, now a university lecturer, has disclosed.
As of present day, the issue remains unsolved as many boys fall victims daily to these abuses, sometimes suffering or having suffered from physical pain inflicted by sexual activities. What Do You Think? Comment And Share Below!!! Source: Naij
